C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
worst night to have a conscience
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
