carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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