i permit you to call me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
