i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
