It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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