I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
