Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
