i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
