I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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