I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
