I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
