i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
