I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When did angry sex become our thing?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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