pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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