Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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