get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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