I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
