You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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