I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
