There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
