Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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