she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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