you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
