ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
