if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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