My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
