Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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