yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He felt like a one man threesome
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
