in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
