I am spending my child support on dildos
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
