"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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