we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
