I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
third nipple confirmed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
