can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
