If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
