is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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