i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
