Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
