Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
