we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
