so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
