So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
