When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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