i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
