Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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