3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
