tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
