this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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