You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
