I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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