I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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