I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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