Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
